The Reluctant Babysitter (Or: The Titan Drool Machine)
by Xaphrin
Summary: Red-X stared down at Raven, growling. "Can't you fly or something?" Her large, childlike eyes just stared up at him and she giggled. Of all the things he could get stuck doing for the Titans, how was babysitting Raven under a spell one of them?
1. Chapter 1

**The Reluctant Babysitter  
**(Or: The Titan Drool Machine)

)O(

_ Raven pulled her hood tightly around her head and stared into his mask, eyes dark and unreadable. "While I am greatly appreciative of everything you did for me in our… _time_ together, let's never speak of this event again." _

_ Red-X laughed, the sound tinny and strange through the voice modifier on his mask. "You certainly did make a pretty adorable kid, Sunshine."_

_ "I said _**never again**_."_

)O(

Red-X should have known it was Mumbo ransacking the city now. He was always cooking up some weird, strange way to be just a general nuisance to Jump, and the Titans especially. They were, after all, his favorite audience. The bright flashes of magic and circus music were heard from two blocks away, filling the thick, summer air with a strange calliope. Red-X stood on the edge of a building, watching the colorful explosions weave through the city, followed by the puff of confetti in the shape of $100 bills from Jump City Bank. The sound of Robin's aggravation could be heard from two blocks away.

"Say what you will about him," Red-X muttered to himself, "that guy has some style. Flashy, but still has style."

He turned to leave the roof and get back to his own job, but was met with a petite figure looking up at him, thumb hanging from her mouth. Short, plum hair framed a pale face and a dark-blue, lace edged dress swung around her knees. She blinked, wide, dark eyes staring up at him in silent wonder.

"Can I help you?" Red-X recoiled, frowning as he stared down into the child's face. Urgh. _Kids_. The only thing worse than death and taxes. "Are you like… lost or something?"

She just stared at him, chewing on her thumb.

"Oookay. What?"

A drop of drool slid down her hand to wrist. Ew. Gross.

"Look, kid. You're freaking me out. Don't you know how to talk or something?" He hunkered down on his haunches and stared into the little girl's face, trying to place the familiar shape of the gem on her forehead. Why did this girl remind him of someone…? No. It was just his imagination. He shook his head and stood up again. "Seriously, what do you want?"

"Found." She opened her other hand and dropped a bright, yellow communicator onto the tar-and-pebble roof. She blinked up at him and shoved her thumb back into her mouth.

Red X picked it up, hearing the screeching of the Titan alarm pour out of a small, abused speaker in the back. He opened the communicator and saw Robin's shocked and concerned face staring back at him. Red-X looked from the small video of Robin to the little girl in the blue dress, pieces finally clicking into place.

Oh. Hell. No.

"Wobin!" The small girl toddled up to Red-X and reached her hands out for the yellow communicator. Red-X pulled back immediately, barely hearing the strange, garbled cursing from Robin on the other end of the communicator. The girl continued to reach out for the small device in his hands.

"What in the _hell_ are you doing with Raven's communicator!?"

"_Raven's_ communicator?" He looked down into the screen, pulling his cape away from the small child's sticky, slobbery hands. She giggled for a second, thinking it was a game and followed him around the roof until he stopped. She fell head-first into his thighs and stopped behind him, still giggling.

Red-X bit back another curse and looked back down into the seething picture of Robin. "Your _Raven_ would have happened to tangle with Mumbo recently?"

Robin pursed his lips, but reluctantly told Red-X what happened. "We lost her in the fight about thirty minutes ago. Mumbo was casting… Wait. How do you know this? Were you spying on us? Are you in league with-"

"Stop. Seriously, kid. You're going to have an aneurysm if you don't calm down." Red-X cut him off and rolled his eyes behind his mask. "The guy is flashy, Robin. He wants all of his fights to be a damn pyrotechnics show for the whole city. You can't miss him when he's fighting you guys." He turned the communicator around so the camera faced the little girl at his feet. "Does this belong to you?"

"Raven!"

Her eyes lit up at the sound of his voice and she struggled to her feet, hands stretched out for the communicator in Red-X's hand. "Wobin! Wobin! Wobin!"

Robin swore. "So, Mumbo's spell did work. Damnit." He sighed and rubbed his nose, continuing to mumble under his breath. "And now she's with _you_. _Great_."

"Look, kid. I like children just about as much as you like me, so this isn't exactly a picnic for me either." He stared down at Raven, her hands still reaching for the small communicator. "What do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know."

Red-X snorted. "Call the presses, I'm pretty sure _that's_ a first."

"Look, I've got everyone trying to do damage control after Mumbo's outburst this afternoon, he basically tore up the entirety of 10th and 11th avenue. I don't have a spare hand to go pick her up right now." Robin's head fell into his hands.

"Uh-huh. And that's my concern… _why_?" Red-X continued to stare at him, a dark pit forming in his stomach. He couldn't _possibly _be suggesting that he stay with the drool monster? Nope. Red-X didn't _do_ babysitting. "No, but, _really_. What in the world do you want to do with this… _thing_?"

"She's _Raven_. Not a thing. She's just… not her normal self right now." Robin snarled into the communicator, his exhaustion evident on his face. "I'll get Jinx working on a counter-curse as soon as I can, but she's not quite as adept at this type of magic as Raven is, so I don't know how long it's going to take her to finish…" He trailed off before narrowing his eyes at Red-X. "I need Raven back though."

"Wobin! Wobin!" She had taken to jumping up and down, her pudgy little hands continuing to try and grab the communicator from Red-X's hand. "Want. Want."

Red-X cringed and took another step back. "Seriously, _I_ am not babysitting your demon teammate."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to sit still until I can get her."

"_Want!_" Raven slammed her foot down on the roof, and a venting unit across the space exploded in a shower of metal shrapnel and dust. What the _hell_? Red-X stood there for a few seconds, looking at the destruction the diminutive girl had caused, and immediately dropped the communicator into her hands. She giggled with delight and plopped down on to the roof, staring into the communicator's screen.

"She has her powers." Red-X called out, maneuvering his body to look over Raven's shoulders and into the communicator screen.

"I see this." Robin sighed and rubbed his forehead. "She can't be outside if she can't control herself… can you…" He groaned and leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling above him. "Can you just bring her back to the tower? I should have Jinx and Flash here by the time you get here and they can take care of her."

"Wait. What? You think _I _want to babysit your resident demon in child-form? Yeah. No." His voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Look. I really don't care what the hell you do with her, I just don't want to deal with her, which means I am _not _ taking her to the tower."

Robin gritted his teeth. "Please. I don't have anyone who can help you right now."

"Your problem, Boy Wonder, _not_ mine." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Wobin?" Raven sniffled, as if sensing the angry emotions between them, and wiped at huge crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks. "Wobin?"

Robin recoiled, eyes widening behind the mask. "No. No. No. Damnit!"

Before Red-X could understand what the hell Robin's outburst was about, Raven let out a high-pitched wail, her cries sending a black ripple of magic over the rooftops. Red-X ducked in just enough time to avoid being thrown from the roof, but ended up with a mouthful of tar and pebbles. Raven sat there and continued to cry, rubbing at her eyes, all the while random objects kept exploding and moving around her.

"Make her happy!"

"_What_?" Red-X glared. "You want me to _what_?"

"Make her happy, idiot! Just hold her or something, or she's going to bring down the whole damn city if you _don't_."

Red-X scooped up Raven and propped her on his hip. She cried for a moment more, more objects and shreds of building levitating around their heads. Red-X awkwardly patted her back, cringing with the touch. He tried to coo to her, but it ended up as an awkward squeaking of words through his mask. "There, there, little… demon… thing… don't cry. Seriously. You're going to kill all of us if you don't."

Raven whimpered again before burying her head into his shoulder, stubby arms wrapping up in the heavy fabric of his cloak. A few more sniffles was her last reaction before calming down. Red-X glared into the communicator on the roof.

"See?" Robin's smarmy smirk stared up at him. "You're a natural."

"I hate you." He glared down at the screen as he felt Raven snuggle deeper into his arms. His face fell and he grumbled under his breath. "No, really, Robin. I _hate _you. What the hell are you leaving me with?"

"Raven's powers are tied to her emotions." Robin sighed and looked up to the ceiling again. "If she gets too mad or frightened, her powers will react."

Red-X stared at him, his expression deadpan behind his mask. "You're telling me that a ticking time bomb is stuck in the mindset of an emotionally volatile toddler?" He swore under his breath. "I hate you. Oh, _god_, do I hate you."

"One 'Get Out of Jail Free' card."

"What?" Red-X nearly dropped Raven out of shock, and she squealed with excitement and surprise, thinking it was another game. He gathered and readjusted the weight on his hip, ducking down with his free hand and picking up Raven's communicator. Was he _serious_? Robin _never_ offered rewards for… _anything._ Red-X stared into the screen, trying to contain his excitement. "I'm sorry… _what?_"

Robin sighed in defeat. "Your next heist will be Titan-free if you bring her back unharmed."

"Unharmed?"

"And keep the city in one piece… which means keeping _he_r happy and content." His eyes flicked over to the small body still perched on Red-X's hip. He gave another smarmy smirk at the sight. "Which you seem to be doing _just fine._"

"I hate you." He sighed and placed Raven on the roof by his feet. She immediately started to play with the tattered edge of his cape again, humming as she tugged on the fabric. "_Fine,_ kid. Just for the reward, I'll bring your little lost Titan back to the tower. But, you can best believe that I am taking _full_ advantage of the reward."

"Good." He looked behind him and said something to someone off screen before looking back at Red-X. "Kid Flash and Jinx will be at the tower in a few hours. Just get here and you can be free from her."

"_Fine_." Red-X slammed the communicator shut and looked down at Raven, who was peering up at his with a quizzical expression in her large, dark eyes as she continued to chew on her thumb. What in the world did he just agree to? He hated kids as much as he hated Robin, and trying to keep this one entertained was going to be the _worst_. Especially since she could kill him at any moment with a push of her powers. No, this wasn't dangerous _at all_.

"Up." She stretched her hands up to him.

"Can't you fly or something?"

She just grinned and stood on her tiptoes. "Up."

Red-X ran a hand over his face. This was going to be a long night.

)O(

_Hi, Friends. I will admit that this is just something I started as a fun joke in response to some lovely art I found on Tumblr by __**kohng**__. There is a fabulous chibi-Raven series and it just inspired this. It'll be a few short chapters here-and-there, so nothing I'll work on seriously. _

_If you want to see some great art, check out __**kohng . tumblr . com**_

_Thanks for reading, Friends!  
See you on the other side. _


	2. Chapter 2

**The Reluctant Babysitter  
**(Or: The Titan Drool Machine)

_She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from his masked face, embarrassment lining her eyes. "Is there any particular reason I now own a giant, stuffed rabbit… in a bow-tie?"_

_ Red-X laughed and leaned back on his heels. "You were dead-set on that damn thing. I was just told to make you happy."_

_ "A stuffed animal does not make me happy."_

_ "No," he agreed with a shrug. "But it certainly shuts you up."_

)O(

Raven's little fist clung tightly to Red-X's tattered cape as they walked through the dark streets of the city. Her other hand was hanging from her mouth, and her eyes darted around the shops and storefronts, looking at the displayed goods with wonder and excitement. Televisions showed the news, and mannequins displayed attractive clothing that was sure to catch a small child's attention.

After a few blocks, Red-X began to notice that anything blue or sparkly caught her eye and she stared… for _eternity_. She wouldn't look away until he practically hog-tied her and drug her down the sidewalk. The girl had the unabashed staring powers of a statue and it was freaky as hell. Apparently that was just an innate, natural skill in her.

He tugged on his cape, trying to get her attention as she looked up at a long, blue evening dress being displayed under soft lights in a storefront. The salesman looked through the window at him, making a face of fear and shock as his gaze connected with Red-X's mask. Dropping the straight pins in his hands, the salesman held up his hands and mouthed "I'm unarmed".

Red-X rolled his eyes and pulled Raven along, ignoring the unintentional jibe that he might be out there to steal from a paltry, cheap dress shop. At least give him _a little_ credit. The unlikely pair walked down the sidewalk, avoiding more of the shocked and confused stares of some of the city's population. Not that he really blamed any them for looking, after all, he would have been one of the many spectators if he saw a dude in a mask and cape dragging a toddler along the sidewalk at eight o'clock at night. He was a freakin' circus show at this point, all he needed was the music and a few clowns to complete the look.

"Are you going to keep up?" Red-X stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and looked down at her, still unsteady on her feet. "Because I won't be able to handle it if you decide to just quit on me. I've got a really nice reward to cash in on, and I don't need you mucking that up for me, okay?"

She blinked for a moment before grinning and lifting her arms above her head. "Up."

"No." Red-X rolled his eyes behind his mask. "No, I will not. Now, keep up or I'm going to sell you to the monster under your bed."

Raven, if possible, looked just as unamused with his antics as a toddler as she did when she was an adult. She pursed her lips and glared up at him through squinted eyes. "Up!" Her eyebrows knitted together and she kept her arms above her. "Up! Up!"

"I said, no, Raven." Sigh. "Jeez. Get your shit together, kid. I can't be coddling you all the way back to the tower, I'm not your nanny." He paused. "I don't think anyone could ever be your nanny, you're so damn demanding." He sighed again and started walking forward, trying to keep his temper in check. It really wasn't Raven's fault or anything that this happened to her, but then again, it really wasn't the best decision to agree to this nonsense either. Ugh. He really was an idiot for letting Robin tempt him.

"UP!"

"No." He tugged his cape out of her hands. "Now come on, Raven. Let's get going so I can be done with-"

WOMPH.

Stars flashed behind his eyes as he stared into the gray cement he suddenly found underneath his face. Mumbling out a curse, he rubbed the growing knot at the back of his head and sat up. Next to him sat a bundled stack of newspapers, which was undoubtedly the instrument used to attack him. He heard the giggles and laughter of the people watching him, the hushed whispers at the silly fool who let a small child get the better of him. Feeling red creep up into his face, he crawled up to his feet and started to dust himself off.

"That wasn't very nice, Raven. You shouldn't hit people." He pretended not to hear the names someone was calling him. "Are you going to apologize?"

"No." She giggled up at him, putting more fingers into her mouth, smiling as if she had done nothing wrong.

"Do you want me to spank you?" He shook off his cape and adjusted his gloves. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do to naughty children?"

Her eyes grew wide and her fingers fell out of her mouth. She shook her head violently, tendrils of her dark hair curling around her face with the movement. "No. No." Her little fists grabbed the folds of her dress and Red-X could see the single tear drip down her face as splotches of redness stained her cheeks. "No."

"Awe come on man, she's just a little kid."

"Yeah, don't be mean to her."

Red-X rolled his eyes. The spectators were still here. _Great_. They didn't know that they had an emotionally ticking time-bomb standing in front of them, ready to go off at any minute. No, they just saw some poor girl about to start spilling her tears all over the sidewalk.

Tears.

_Tears_.

Shit.

The stack of newspapers next to him exploded in a shower of flaming print, and before Red-X could question his own actions, he scooped the toddler up into his arms and propped her up on his hip. The last thing he needed was dead civilians and rampant destruction through the city. Robin would _never _forgive him for that, and he could kiss his beautiful reward good-bye. Raven caught her last sob, obviously a little shocked that she had gotten her way, and stared into his mask with a hiccup.

"Don't cry, Raven. _Please_."

"'Kay." She nodded and wiped at her eyes, sniffling. "'ank ooo."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "You're welcome… weirdo."

She giggled at the name and rested her head on his shoulder.

He adjusted her on his hip and started down the sidewalk again. A few of the spectators followed him, but most had dispersed, obviously not wanting to see where Red-X was taking a small, dangerous toddler. Raven cooed against his shoulder, eyes watching all the shop displays as they walked by. A block passed by in relative silence, and then:

"BUNNY!" Raven wiggled in his arms, flopping around like a fish until he managed to put her on the pavement. Ignoring his calls, she ran right up to a window display and pressed her nose against the glass, staring at a white, stuffed rabbit that was almost as big as she was. A silk pink bowtie was wrapped around its neck as its glassy, black eyes stared back at Raven from the other side of the window. "Bunny!"

"Yeah… and?"

She turned around and looked up at him, clasping her hands in front of her. "Want."

Red-X ran a hand over his face, feeling his stomach drop a few feet at her request. This girl was going to be the death of him. He stood there, silently weighing his options as she pressed her hands to the glass. If he tried to ignore her or walk away, she could easily throw a temper tantrum, which would almost _certainly_ bring down every building within a hundred foot radius. But he didn't want to buy her something that would go to waste as soon as the spell was broken. It wasn't like adultl Raven had a penchant for stuffed animals.

"Ecksch?" Her mouth could never quite get his name right. "Want."

He sighed, his shoulders drooping with the movement. There was no way around it. he was going to have to give in, like the spoiled child she was. "Alright, kid. Come on, let's get you the stupid rabbit."

Her eyes lit up with excitement, and the lightbulb in the streetlight above them burst with her powers. "Yaaaay!" She toddled to the door and tried to pull it open, but she wasn't quite tall or strong enough, so Red-X had to pull the glass door open and usher her inside.

"_Take what you want_!" An elderly man behind the counter threw up his hands, his eyes wide with shock and surprise at the visitors. "I promise, I'm not armed… I just don't want any trouble. I… I can give you the cash in the drawer."

Red-X sighed dropped his head into his hands. He really needed to drop the mask at some point tonight, or all of Jump was going to think he was going to steal their money _and _kidnap a child. "Look, dude. No offense, but I'm not really into knocking off a _toy store_. I just want the stupid rabbit in the window display." He pulled out a wad of cash from a pouch on his belt. "I only have hundreds though."

"Oh… um…" The elderly man rubbed the back of his head and looked away, watching as Raven stood by the display, looking up at the back of the stuffed rabbit with wide, anxious eyes. She turned back to the two of them and giggled as she pointed to the toy.

"Mehstar Bun Bun."

The elderly man looked shocked as he turned back to Red-X. "Is she… yours?"

"Hell. No." Red-X groaned. "Just the stupid rabbit, please, and then we'll get going."

"Oh… sure…" The elderly man went to the display and picked the rabbit from the window, dropping it down into Raven's outstretched hands. She giggled again and held the rabbit to her chest, stomping her feet in that strange way children do when they are excited. The lights in the ceiling flickered for a moment, and a display of pinwheels began to move as if there was a gentle breeze weaving through the small space. The elderly man looked around in wonder and then back to the girl with a small smile.

"You're special, aren't you?"

She didn't respond, her face rubbing into the chenille-soft fur of the rabbit.

He laughed and patted her on the head. "You better take care of Mister Bun Bun. He's been my friend for quite a while. I might miss him if he's not around… you promise to love him forever and ever?"

Raven finally looked up at him and nodded, her face suddenly serious with the responsibility of having to take care of Mr. Bun Bun forever. She gave a definitive nod, tiny fingers wrapping around Mr. Bun Bun's shoulders. "Pwomise."

"Good. If I hear you haven't been nice…"

"Good! Be good!" She held the rabbit tighter, calming down as she held him.

Red-X stared there, slack-jawed at the sight. "How in the world do you _do that_?"

The elderly man returned to his spot behind the counter, chuckling as Red-X and Raven followed him. "I sell toys for a living… I think I might know a thing or two about calming down a small child."

"Any tips you can offer? Because if I don't keep her calm… _things_ can happen."

He raised a bushy eyebrow and glanced at the lights in the ceiling. "I gather that." Looking down at Raven, he shook his head. "Just keep contact with her, and listen to what she says. And know when to fight your battles with a child. That's the best advice I can give you." He pulled change from the register for the hundred-dollar bill that Red-X had offered him.

"I promise, children aren't complicated."

"But they _are_ annoying."

He chuckled. "They can be."

The door to the shop swung open and two older kids walked in, looking around through the aisles as if they bored and looking for something to do. Their fingers flicked through small toys, before slipping into their pockets with something hidden in their palms. The shopkeeper's back stiffened, but he didn't say a word or protest to Red-X. He continued counting change and dropped it onto the counter in front of him.

"I assume she's going to carry Mister Bun Bun out?" He laughed again, but this time it sounded stretched and strained, and Red-X felt his eyes dart to the two kids in the corner, now playing with Slinkys. Something felt _off_ with them.

"Yeah." Red-X dropped down on his haunches, so he could look Raven in the eye. "Raven, do you want something else?" She shook her head, clinging to the rabbit for dear life. Red-X groaned, trying to figure out how to get her out of the way while he dealt with what were probably a couple of punks looking to rob a poor shopkeeper. The last thing he needed was for her to get hurt, that would _certainly _void out his reward.

Sighing, he decided he had to sink to the ultimate low:

"How about something for Robin?" He cringed under the mask, feeling the urge to throw up at his name. "Do you want to pick out something for Robin to take back to the tower?"

He felt the elderly man's confused stare as the pieces clicked into place at the mention of Robin and the tower. "She isn't…"

"Mumbo. I'm sure you show that shit-show a few hours ago." Red-X glanced over his shoulder at him. "Apparently she had a run-in with him, and now I'm stuck taking her back to the tower so they can fix… _this_."

"Oh my."

"Yeah. Don't tangle with super villains is the lesson learned here."

"Aren't you...?" He trailed off, not quite saying what he was suggesting.

Red-X shrugged. "I play the gray field."

"Ah."

"Wobin." Raven gave an affirmative nod finally, and walked over to a display of toy swords, picking through them to find the perfect gift for her martial artist friend. She hummed to herself, oblivious to the fact that Red-X was walking back to the shopkeeper.

"I thought you hated him?"

"Don't get me wrong." Red-X waved him off, his eyes still following the two other kids through the store. "There's a prize waiting for me at the end of all of this, so it's not like I don't have my own stake in her safety. Robin laid down strict ground rules, and I intend to follow them to the letter to get what I want."

The shopkeeper chuckled. "And here I thought you were noble."

One of the kids started to come closer, fidgeting with his pockets.

"Don't get me wrong, sir…" Red-X rested his hand on his belt, feeling his adrenaline rise with their approach. "I'm not entirely without morals."

One of the kids approached the counter, pushing Red-X out of the way and brandishing a gun from his oversized coat. "Money. Now." He shook the barrel at the elderly man, holding it sideways as if he wanted to pretend he was stronger than he looked. "All of your cash in the drawer."

"What you looking at? Freak." The other one sauntered up to him, holding a baseball bat he had found at the back of the shop. "It's not halloween. Whataya supposed to be? Skelle-Dude."

The other kid laughed. "Good one, Jake."

"Jake. Please, put the bat down." Red-X hadn't moved his hand from his belt, and he kept his voice calm. He really didn't want to have to fight if he could avoid it. Guns meant stray bullets, and stray bullets meant Raven was in danger. "Other Kid, why don't you take that gun somewhere else, and I bet my friend here won't press attempted armed robbery charges."

"_Attempted._" They both snorted, and Jake began tapping the bat into his open hand, snarling into Red-X's mask. "Man, we aren't attempting _anything_, we _are_ robbing him."

"I tried to reason with you." He shrugged. "Your loss." Red-X moved before Jake could comprehend what was happening, and he hooked his feet under him, knocking the kid to the floor. Red-X immediately grabbed one of the many tacky red Xs that he used for Raven (when she wasn't a drooling child), and wrapped it around his wrists and mouth. By this time, the other kid had pointed the gun at him, shock wide in his eyes. His hands shook with fear and surprise as he suddenly realized who was standing in the shop he was going to rob.

"You're…" He swallowed hard.

"The one and only, kid. Although, I kinda thought the uniform was a dead give away." Without another word, Red-X moved to attack him, but a high-pitched scream erupted from the corner Raven was in. Losing his concentration, he stumbled slightly and turned to stare at the small girl running towards them, a small wooden sword dragging on the floor as she trotted along.

"BAD MAN!" With another ear-shattering scream, she raced forward and threw a blob of her blue-black power at the one kid still standing. He hit the floor with a _THUD_ and the gun skittered from his hand across the floor. Red-X clambered over the kid's body and picked up the gun, emptying the chamber and taking the magazine out.

"BAD MAN!" Raven had now taken to standing on one kid's chest and hitting him with a wooden sword she had picked out for Robin. Red-X stood there and let her wack him and 'Jake' a few times over the head with the sword as punishment for their crimes.

"Don't." Wack. "Huwt." Wack. "Mehstar Bun Bun's." Wack. Wack. "Fwend!" WACK.

"That's enough, Raven. We don't want to give them a concussion." Finally he took the wooden sword from her hands and slid it into his utility belt. Raven crawled off the two, bound bodies, and went to retrieve Mr. Bun Bun from the other side of the store. Red-X looked around at the two groaning kids on the floor, frowning underneath his mask. He really hated it when they fought back so much. It always made such a damn mess.

The elderly may stood there blinking at him in shock. "You saved my life."

Red-X chuckled and placed the empty gun on the counter. "Don't let it get out that I might be a nice guy. My reputation will be ruined." He took out a few more bills and placed them in his hand. "Sorry about the mess. I would stay and help you out for a bit, but I've got to go before the boys in blue show up… I'm not exactly a friend of theirs."

"Oh. Right." The elderly man shook his hand. "Thank you."

"Just be careful. And thanks for the help with Raven… she's kind of a handful." He took Raven's hand as she walked up behind him, one hand on his cape while the other hand was wrapped around Mr. Bun Bun's ears. She grinned up at him before following Red-X out the door.

"Wait!" The shopkeeper plucked a brightly colored lollipop from the side of the register and handed it to Raven with a smile. "This is for being so brave, Raven. Thanks for saving me and Mister Bun Bun."

She giggled with delight and took the candy from him, unwrapping it and putting it in her mouth. Almost instantly, blue drool began to trickle out of her mouth and down her chin. _Great_. Just what he needed: more drool.

)O(

_HI FRIENDS!  
Sorry it's been a hot sec with some of my stories (not really this one). But I've recently had some bad news: I LOST MY JOB! I used to work full-time and now I'm unemployed. So… right now I'm sitting at home trying to decide if pants are necessary, and if I can eat an entire box of 'Nilla Wafers for lunch. Also wine. And writing. Copious amounts of writing. So, be prepared for what will undoubtedly be an onslaught of updated stories while I try to keep myself from being BORED. _

_Anyway, this was once again inspired by __**kohng**__. Please, please check out her tumblr for fun, lovely art. _

_And if anyone needs to chat… I now watch TV as my job. So, there's that. _

_Thanks for being awesome and reading. Let me know what you think. _


	3. Chapter 3

**The Reluctant Babysitter (Or: The Titan Drool Machine)  
**Chapter Three

_Red-X crossed his arms over his chest, smiling beneath his mask. "I didn't know you had such a penchant for sweets, Raven."_

_ She glared. "I don't."_

_ "The entire banana split you wolfed down would disagree." Pause. "Seriously though, where do you put it?"_

_ "Shut up."_

)O(

Raven's small arm tightened over Mister Bun Bun's neck as she stumbled behind Red-X, her other fist wrapped tightly in his cape. She murmured something unintelligible and plopped down in the middle of the sidewalk, rubbing her eyes. Red-X turned around and stared down at her, nodding off in the middle of a sidewalk. She pulled Mister Bun Bun closer to her and yawned, deciding that she wanted to sleep.

Fine by him. If she could just sleep the whole way back to the tower, that would make the rest of the evening cinch. Bending over, he scooped the little toddler in his arms and propped her up on his hip. She struggled for a little bit, and then sunk deep into his shoulder, cooing.

Ahh. Sweet, sweet silence.

With a renewed spring in his gait, he wandered down the sidewalk in the direction of the tower, letting the limp bundle in his arms bounce along with each step. As they passed a small ice cream shop, he could feel her body start to struggle in his arms. The scent of freshly-made waffle cones must have woken her from her slumber.

_Great. _His face fell beneath the mask and he groaned. Well, _that_ joy was short lived.

"Ai-cweam." She thrashed around a little more and her eyes opened mere inches from his own, staring into his mask with an excitement he had never seen. Red-X nearly dropped her out of surprise, but managed to set her down on the sidewalk. Her eyes somehow managed to get even wider and she raced around him to the shop.

"Ai-cweam!" She giggled and stamped her feet in excitement. She must have appropriately interpreted his mood, because her face instantly transformed into one of sweet innocence. "Pwease, Ecksch? Ai-cweam?"

"You just had a sucker."

Her eyes filled with tears and she sniffed.

Goddamnit. He ran a hand over his mask and groaned. Ugh. This girl was going to be the death of him. For a brief moment he actually debated just throwing her over his shoulder and riding down the street with her on his bike, but he could see the string of chaos _that_ would have caused. Sighing in defeat, he nodded. "Fine, Raven. We'll get you some ice cream."

She giggled with delight, and one of the shop signs flickered with the force of her emotions. She reached up and grabbed Red-X's hand pulling him along into the shop where the sweet smell of sugar was wafting. As soon as he opened the door, she practically skipped to the counter and pressed her nose against the glass.

The teenage kid working the counter looked practically petrified at the sight of Red-X sauntering in behind a small child. He really didn't mean to give everyone a scare, he was just trying to take care of this stupid mess and get Raven back to the tower with no incidences. Apparently that meant buying her ice cream.

The shop was mostly empty, but the few patrons that were there stayed absolutely still, like a gazelle caught in the predatory stare of a lion. Red-X groaned and offered a small, polite wave, knowing he probably looked like a complete idiot.

"Er… Sorry about the kid, she's just a little hyper." Ignoring the long, slow stares, he walked up behind Raven and picked her up so she could see over the counter. She seemed entranced with all the colors of ice cream laid out before her. "So, what do you want, kid?"

"Ai-cweam." She mumbled, still fascinated with tubs of color.

"I get that." He rolled his eyes. "What flavor?"

She chewed on her thumb for a moment. "Um…"

Red-X sighed and set her back down. "A banana split, I guess. She's a kid, she can't eat that much right?"

The teenage boy only nodded in frightened agreement, and began making the order, his hands shaking the steel ice cream scoops against the glass bowl. Red-X reached into a pouch on his belt and slid a hundred dollar bill across the counter. "Keep the change. I have the feeling thing might be a little awkward for you."

"Er. Um. Th-thank you?" He made quick work of the banana split and added an extra scoop of strawberry ice cream on top before handing it to Red-X. He took the dish and handed it to Raven with a spoon. She squeaked with delight, the fluorescent lights above her shaking and flickering with the force of her emotions.

"Come on, Raven. Let's sit down and eat the ice cream without annoying the other people. Okay?" He guided her to an empty table and sat down, popping her on his lap as a booster seat. She giggled and began to shovel giant, messy spoonfuls of ice cream into her mouth. Red-X shook his head and fought back his own laughter. Sometimes she might have almost been kinda cute.

I spoonful of ice cream dribbled from her mouth and fell onto her lap.

His eye twitched in annoyance. Only _sometimes_ cute though.

"Um…" A soft, female voice from a few tables over caught his attention. He looked over to see a very pretty blonde, smiling at Raven in his lap. Her big, blue eyes glanced up into his. "She's really quite cute… is she… yours?"

"No." His face fell behind the mask. Raven was pretty much the ultimate cock-block at this point. _Great_. "No, I'm babysitting her for a… a friend." Tch. Robin, a friend? Yeah right.

"And she isn't frightened by your mask?" The woman edged a little closer to him, now seeming to be more interested in him after she realized Raven wasn't his child. She curled a strand of hair around her fingers and smiled. "I mean, you look awfully scary in that Red-X costume… like you might be going to hurt someone."

Her smiled turned _strange_, as if she was suddenly indulging in some kind of weird fantasy in the solitude of her mind, and Red-X suddenly realized that she was one of _those_ weirdos. The ones that actually liked villains and criminals in a romantic way. His hands tightened on Raven's torso and he just nodded at her, feeling his flight-or-fight mechanism start to run in overdrive.

"No, she's not really frightened of me at all. She seems to like it." He patted her on the head, and Raven giggled again, turning around to look into his face. Red-X forced a smile under his mask (a strange habit he had developed), and glanced back at the woman. "She's got pretty hard skin anyway." _That _was putting it lightly.

"Oh." The woman moved to the seat next to Red-X and sat down, propping her head up with her hands as she stared into his mask. She bumped the table as she moved, causing Raven to drop another spoonful of ice cream. Raven pursed her lips and glared at the woman, but said nothing.

"And… I have to ask, _are_ you Red-X?" She batted her eyes, and started to draw random patterns on the melamine of the table, a flirtatious blush coloring her cheeks. "I mean, Red-X is a criminal isn't he?"

Technically, yes. But not for the wackos like her. And certainly not right now. No, right now he was a delivery boy, and he was okay with that. He scooted the chair a few inches away from her, the sound of steel legs on a tile floor making Raven whine before she dug back into her ice cream. "Ah, Red-X is just a guy in a suit, ma'am. I promise."

"Oh. So, you _are_ him." She leaned forward, closing the space he had made, and then closed it even more. "I just want you to know that I have the _biggest_ crush on you."

Okay, well, _that_ was certainly enough. She needed to back out of his space right now, or he might actually punch a woman. "Ma'am, I appreciate the sentiment and all, but I think you might have a case of Hybristophilia, and to be perfectly frank… I want absolutely _nothing_ to do with that. So, can you back up, so that this girl can enjoy her ice cream in peace?"

"What? Why I… _never_!" The woman looked severely offended and she reeled back as if she's been physically slapped. As she moved, she knocked the edge of the table, which sent Raven's dish of unfinished ice cream careening off the table and onto the floor with a crash.

_Shit_.

Red-X stared down at Raven, her eyes wide with surprise and sadness.

Raven looked from the spoon in her hand, to the dish on the floor, and then her eyes whipped around and stared at the woman who had joined their table, and was _clearly_ unwanted. "My ai-cweam!" Her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed. "My _ai-cweam_!"

"Aw, damnit, woman. You really messed things up now. Jesus." Red-X glared at the blonde woman and stood up, picking up Raven and propping her on his hip. He tried to get her to calm down, but Raven was having none of that, and she let out a high-pitched wail.

Around the shop napkin holders levitated and glass was starting to ripple and shake with the force of her emotions. Red-X tried to coo to her and get her to calm down, but she continued to cry and whine for her lost ice cream. The woman at the table looked from Red-X to Raven and back again, fear and shock in her eyes.

"What _is_ that thing?" She screamed, holding her hands over her ear to try to muffle the sound of Raven's screeching.

Jason raised an eyebrow, slightly insulted that this woman had referred to Raven as a 'thing'. He continued to pat Raven's back and bounce her lightly on his hip, glaring at the woman from behind the comfort of his mask. "Remember Raven as an adult…?"

The woman gave a slow nod and watched as another napkin holder exploded, coating the floor in a cloud of white napkins. A second one followed and Red-X was going to lose his patience if she didn't stop.

"Well, this is Raven as a child without any sense of her adult restraint." He sighed as Raven wailed again, the lights above her bursting win a shower of sparks. The woman cowered in her chair, eyes wide as she stared up at the unlikely couple. "And you just _thoroughly_ pissed her off. Congratulations, you just undid an hour and a half of my hard work, _idiot_."

"Ecksch!" She sobbed into his shoulder, fingers digging into his cape. "My _ai-cweam_."

"Yeah, yeah. I know, little demon." He sighed and rolled his eyes, walking up to the counter again. He placed a few more bills on the counter, locking eyes with the frightened teenager again. "For the damage. And can I get another banana split to go? I think maybe it's better if we go eat this in the park."

"Um… yes, sir."

Raven sniffled as her tears stopped, and she watched the kid put everything into a styrofoam container, adding the additional scoop of strawberry ice cream again. Her eyes widened and she looked from the display case to Red-X with a smile, suddenly realizing she was going to get a replacement ice cream.

Red-X sighed and wiped at her tears with the edge of his cape, rolling his eyes behind his mask. "Jeez, kid. You go from zero to sixty to zero in like three minutes. You are officially the weirdest thing I have ever encountered in my life." He set her down and pointed to her stuffed rabbit still sitting at the table. "Now, go get Mister Bun Bun and let's go to the park to eat this, okay?"

She rubbed at her cheeks and nodded. "'Kay."

Red-X took the banana split from the kid behind the counter and sighed. "Sorry again dude, she's kind of a handful."

He blinked. "Uh… is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Is that really Raven?"

Red-X just smiled. "Maybe. Maybe not. Do you really want to test her to find out?"

Silence was his response.

"Thought so."

)O(

_Thanks for reading, friends. As always, this story was influence by the lovely Kohng's artwork. Check her out on Tumblr!_

_Please let me know what you think, and thanks for being awesome!_


	4. Chapter 4

**The Reluctant Babysitter (Or: The Titans Drool Machine)**

"_I have to say…" Red-X tapped his finger against his mouth, as if he was being pensive and thoughtful_. "_...I think my favorite part of the whole evening was when you pantsed Control Freak."_

_Raven's eyes went wide and she let out a strange squeak that sounded very much like loosely controlled laughter. "I what?"_

"_You pantsed Control Freak." He grinned underneath the mask. "It was _awesome_."_

)O(

Raven kicked her dangling legs as she shoved another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, giggling between the bites. Red-X stared down at her, rolling his eyes as she grinned up at him, chocolate ice cream dripping from her mouth. Ugh. Just what he needed - more mess. Well, it didn't matter too much anyway, this night from hell was almost over and she wouldn't be his problem anymore. He bit back a few _choice_ words and stared out ahead, watching the boats move through the water.

In the middle of the bay stood Titan Tower, its lights shining against the water… just a few more minutes and he would be done with Raven. He had already called Kid Flash and Jinx (there was a freaking _odd_ couple), and let them know where he was. Now, all he had to do was wait for them to come pick up the little snot monster.

She shoved the last spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and wiped at her lips with the back of her hand. Red-X rolled his eyes and leaned over to wipe the dribble of ice cream off her face with a napkin. "Jeez, Raven. You're a freaking mess. The whole damn team is going to think I threw you into the mud after this."

Raven's eyes scrunched shut as she tilted her face up to him so he could clean her off. After he was done, she let out a giggle and jumped off the bench toddling over to the garbage can to throw her mess away. After that, she toddled into the grass in front of him and began running around, chasing after lightning bugs that glittered in the air.

Red-X couldn't help but laugh, watching her stubby little legs try to figure out how to navigate the uneven surface of the lawn beneath her feet. A few sad tries later, she managed to catch one between her hands and raced over to Red-X, still giggling.

"Got one!" Heaving with excitement, she opened her hands and let the bug crawl from between her fingertips to his lap. Raven grinned up at him in delight as the little firefly began to glow again, lighting up the small space between their faces with a strange, greenish light. It landed on her nose before fluttering away. She giggled again and raced after it, violet hair whipping across her face with her erratic movements.

Okay, _maybe_ she was a _little_ cute.

But only a little.

"It's _true!_"

Red-X whipped around to stare into a set of beady eyes framed by poorly kempt red hair, and unruly matching eyebrows. Groaning, he let his head fall into his heads. Of all the people he could have run into today, it had to be _this_ guy. He was the worst excuse for a villain that Red-X had ever met, and he seriously needed to consider that lethal case of halitosis before he got within ten feet of another human being.

"Well, if it isn't Nerdo the Hutt." Red-X stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to place himself between Control Freak and Raven. The last thing he needed was this weirdo trying to steal his thunder. "And what can I do for you?"

"I heard Raven got a spell cast on her." His eyes widened with excitement, and he clasped his hands in front of him. "Let me guess, twelfth level archaic magus?"

Red-X somehow fought off the urge to give him a wedgie. He really was the most annoying person on the face of the planet. But for whatever reason, Red-X felt just a _little _bit bad for his social ineptness. After all, it wasn't Control Freak's fault he kinda failed at life. Red-X sighed again. "Nope, just Mumbo. I'm taking her back to the tower, so it's probably best if you stay out of my way. Okay, kid?"

"Awe, come on, _X_!" He whined and threw himself over the back of the bench as he looked at Raven, still racing through the grass. "You've got this golden opportunity to finally get back at the Titans and you're just taking her back to them?"

"First of all, she's a freaking _toddler_. I'm not gonna put a kid in danger - even if she _is _Raven." He scoffed and pushed Control Freak's face away from his own, rolling his eyes. "I might be kind of a bastard, but I'm not completely soulless. And, secondly, I don't always play by the rules of the villain, you know that. And _thirdly_, there's a reward in it for me. So, of _course_ I'm going to bring her back to them. She's worth something to me."

Raven plopped down in the grass and began playing with a dandelion. She picked off the small, yellow petals and started humming to herself, her voice bright and cheery in the silence of the night. Red-X felt a weird smirk play across his lips and he shook his head before turning back to look at Control Freak.

"So, back off, kid." He poked a finger into his chest, and Control Freak took a slow step backward. "Or I'm gonna unleash her on you. And Raven can be one _mean_ child."

He scoffed, his spit flying through his teeth. "Tch. Yeah, right. She's just a kid, X. How much damage can she do?" He snorted and shook his head. "I bet you're just saying that to keep me from collecting that reward… What is it? Beast Boy's secret sci-fi stash… oh man, I bet it's _awesome_…"

He was hopeless. "It's none of your business, and I said _back off_, dude. I mean it."

"Come on, X… don't keep it to yourself." Control Freak pleaded with him, his eyes wide with excitement. "I just want a _little_ bit of the prize. I can help. I've got this-"

"Seriously. You're gonna piss me off." Red-X moved away from him, and back to Raven's side as she continued to play in the grass. Control Freak followed, still pleading with him.

"Come on, X. You have all the fun."

"This isn't _fun_. She's a _kid_, dude."

"But it would be so easy to-"

Red-X turned around to tell him off, but Raven crawled to her feet, her chubby fingers clutching at the edge of his tattered cape. She stood there in silence, staring into his face with her wide, unblinking eyes. Control Freak took a slow step back, trying to keep the space between them, as if he was frightened by Raven's sudden desire to speak and be heard. She took another step forward, her little fist still buried in Red-X's cape.

"Go." Her lips pursed and she pouted. "You go. Go 'way."

"See?" Red-X snickered. "Even Raven wants you to go away, dude."

Control Freak rolled his eyes and snorted. "Seriously? You're just jealous that I can totally bring down the Titans whenever I want, and you're just left running errands for them."

"_Suuuure_, dude. Sure."

"No like!" Raven stomped her foot, leaving a crater of black magic sparking around her. "Go 'way! No bother Ecksch! Go '_way_."

"Ah… I don't think you know who I am, Little Raven. I-" Control Freak's words were cut short as a bolt of Raven's black power snapped out and yanked his tacky, black jeans down around his ankles. A moment of shocked silence hung between the three of them, as they all tried to process precisely what happened. Around his waist hung dingy whitey-tighties, and _nothing_ was hidden from the imagination.

Red-X cringed and pulled back, bringing one hand over Raven's eyes to shield her from the terror that was Control Freak's underwear. She just giggled brightly, as if this was all a very funny joke.

Control Freak stood there in shocked silence for a moment before letting go of a high pitched wail, stumbling away from the two of them and down the street. He walked a few steps before tripping over the pants around his ankles and falling down onto his face. After another long moment of struggling, he managed to pull his pants back up around his waist and stumbled off into the night.

As he left, Red-X let go of laughter he had been desperately holding on to. The sound bubbled up from the bottom of his throat and he felt tears gather at the corners of his eyes as he watched Control Freak run away. He looked down at Raven, who grinned up at him, and he was unable to keep his own smile off of his face. He reached down and patted the top of her head. Maybe she was just _a little_ fun too.

"You look almost cute together."

Red-X whipped around and looked at Kid Flash and Jinx just standing there, both smirking at him. He pulled his hand back from Raven's head as if he'd been burned and shrugged, lips pursing underneath his mask. Well, _this_ was kind of embarrassing.

Kid Flash just laughed at him and came up to both of them, his hand outstretched. "Hey, I'm Kid Flash, and that's Jinx." He jerked his thumb to the girl behind him. "You must be, Red-X."

"Yeah. What gave it away, the costume?" Red-X shook his hand, looking down at Raven as she seemed to remember who the stranger was. Her hands were still tightly wrapped in the fabric of his cape, and she occasionally poked her head out from behind his legs as Kid Flash approached her.

"I can't believe she let herself get caught in a spell." Jinx rolled her eyes and strolled up behind her boyfriend, ducking down to look in Raven's eyes. "You owe me one for coming back, Rae. We were enjoying a relaxing day on the beach in Fiji before we got Robin's call."

Raven buried her face in the back of Red-X's thighs, obviously embarrassed at the attention she was suddenly receiving. Red-X chuckled and pulled Mister Bun Bun of the bench to hand it to her. She looked up into his eyes, her face still a little sticky from her ice cream.

"I've gotta go, Raven. Kid Flash and Jinx are going to take care of you, okay?"

She gave a slow nod, unshed tears collecting in her eyes.

"No crying now, okay? You're stronger than that." He patted her on the head before giving her shoulder a nudge towards Kid Flash. He grinned underneath his mask and leaned back on his heels. He wrapped his hand around his belt, thumb feathering over his teleportation tech. Watching the thief carefully, Kid Flash picked Raven up and propped her on his hip.

"Thanks again."

"Only did it for the reward, Ginger. Don't get to thinking I might be good or something. I promise you, it's a waste of thought." He paused for a moment, as if remembering something important. "Oh, and before I forget, I should tell you that I just fed her a pound of sugar and spoiled her rotten for the last two hours." His laugh turned almost maniacal. "Enjoy your time with the little princess."

With that he pressed the button, and was gone in a flash.

)O(

_Thanks for reading friends. As always, this was inspired by kohng on Tumblr. _

_One more mini chapter and we're done!_


	5. Chapter 5

**The Reluctant Babysitter (Or: The Titan Drool Machine)**

Raven stood in front of him, looking rather unimpressed with his story. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, staring at Red-X as he moved around her. "So, that's the whole story then?"

"More or less." Red-X shrugged, feeling himself fight off a laugh. Teasing her was eternally fun. "There were a few extra details here and there I might have left out. I didn't know you were so partial to pigtails, Princess. They're kinda cute on you."

Raven rolled her eyes. "I do _not_ wear pigtails. Stop making things up."

"I didn't." He moved closer to her. "I like the little pink ribbons the best."

She pushed at his shoulder, trying to keep space between them. "You're annoying."

"Maybe." He offered her a nonchalant shrug. "But I might be kind of a good guy, admit it."

"Uh-huh." Raven continued to look at him, still unimpressed with anything he said. "You just happened to be a good enough guy to take care of a child for two hours?"

"Awe, come on now, Princess." He grinned at her underneath the mask, watching as her eye twitched in annoyance at the nickname. He really did love to tease her - she was just so damn responsive all the time. "I told you Robin offered me a reward for babysitting you. All I had to do was get you back to the tower in one piece. And I did." He motioned to her. "Look at you, not a child and everything."

Raven continued to stare at him, her face unreadable. "You did… but Robin didn't say anything about a reward."

Underneath the mask, Red-X felt his face pale. Well, she figured it out did she. Oh well, he couldn't hold onto the secret forever. He laughed and pushed her arm out of the way, crowding her space with his body. He caught the faint scent of tea and smiled. "Awe, come on now, Princess. You didn't think I'd do all of that out of the goodness of my heart?"

Before Raven could ponder that thought, he rolled up the edge of his mask and kissed her cheek. As quickly as he invaded her space, he moved out of it, admiring the stain of red on her cheeks. Grinning, he pulled his mask down into place and stepped towards the edge of the building they were standing on.

"Thanks again for the fun, Princess... and give Mister Bun Bun my regards!"

"Damnit, X!"

)O(

_Once again, thanks, Kohng, for the inspiration. And thanks to everyone else for being awesome and going on this adventure with me. I hope I didn't disappoint?  
_


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